As you know, I've not posted for a good long while. I've been going through a patch of uncertainty regarding my career, but have been able to work out a manageable plan. But I'll start at the beginning of the year.
2011 brought the second half of my third year of med school, to round off my first year of clinicals. I enjoyed some rotations, endured others, had doubts about becoming a doctor, and swung back with experiences that reminded me why I want to be a doctor. In June, I was able to rotate with my uncle, a doctor, and one of his colleagues, which was a good experience for me. My school told us to use July as a study month to prepare for our second run through the gauntlet that is the boards. In August, I had my first audition rotation, the idea of which is to impress the director of a residency program you're interested in. Having no audition rotations set up for September, I did emergency medicine since it's a fourth year requirement for my school.
I thought my rotations would be good preparation for the second board exam, but right at the end of September I found out I had failed it. This news came at a critical juncture, shortly after I had finished my first audition rotation and right before I headed off to start a gruelling four-month stretch of audition rotations. During this stretch, I had planned to pack my belongings into a storage space, be without a home, and literally live out of three or four bags. With feelings of inadequacy always lurking below the surface, failing the board, intimidation by the long string of difficult rotations, and the thought of being basically homeless, I started considering non-medical careers. That is, of course, putting it mildly. I was going to drop out of med school outright, but thankfully was able to think it through and decided the best course would be to at least graduate.
I think one of the major issues I had with medicine was feeling it had taken so much from me: the ability to have a relationship, a family, having free time outside of work, basically just having a life. Several events have shown me that I can have a real life, and I came to realize it can even coincide with a medical career (sorry, explaining the events would take too long). I have started warming up to medicine again and can stomach the idea of finishing med school and even going on to internship or residency. This is still a daunting task, but I am hopeful for what the future holds and am more grateful than ever for the support of loved ones.
Hope you all had a merry Christmas and will have a happy New Year!
Scott
Fading away?
7 years ago
